Values: The Foundation of Your Spiritual House - Week #14 of The Awakening Journey

Our values are the very foundation of our spiritual house and frame how each and every one of us operates in the world and yet, very little if any time is spent exploring this critical part of our container. 

What are Values?

Values are not morals. Unlike morals, values aren’t good or bad. They simply are. Our values are what is most important to us. Values are how we make our decisions.

When we feel bad, we are choosing to step on a value, and then we are in the drama triangle.  

When we are feeling good, resonant, life feels amazing, we are honoring some really important values. 

A couple of weeks ago, we talked about consciously creating containers. Values are some of the most important reeds that our container is created from. 

When we are consciously & intentionally using our values to create strong containers, the relationships, meetings, decisions in life are able to be held with integrity.

The Foundation of Your Metaphorical House 

I like to visualize an area of a neighborhood that is being prepped for building a home. Imagine that first we level the ground and make it smooth.  

Then we choose to frame out where the foundation is. This is the choice part.  

Values build on Choice. When we choose to honor our values, we are most often in TED (The Empowerment Dynamic). When we don't we are in DDT (Dreaded Drama Triangle). 

Then, we pour the foundation. What happens when the foundation is poured without intention.  How stable is our house? Cracks can form and there can be all sorts of problems that happen later. It’s a pain in the neck to fix if it is even fixable later down the line. 

Your spiritual house is like that also.  

But many of us don't even know what our values are. 

Want to Know a Little Secret?

Most of us are living our parents, siblings, teachers, significant others' values and don't even know it. 

In 2017, I went on a Vision Quest in New Mexico and was assigned a project to collect objects in nature and imbue them with some character or quality from my life. What evolved from that was a beautiful spiritual garden made from nature. 

Each object ended up embodying a value of mine. And before I knew it, it looked like a little garden. I called it my spiritual garden and I realized it symbolized how I had lived my life up until that point. 

I thought I was mindful and present to what mattered, and for the most part, I did. But I could also see that there were objects in there that I didn’t necessarily value. They were values that I had been taught mattered. But they weren’t authentic to me. Or were no longer authentic. 

In looking at this spiritual garden, I was also able to see that it is necessary, even in nature to prune and clear away what didn’t matter. This is a necessary and important part of tending your garden. 

Shared Values

Isn’t it good to be with people who share our values like parents, partners, friends?

Yes, it is good. Very good in fact. When we are around people who share values, we are energized and motivated to live our purpose and be aligned with our impact.  

However, when we are living someone else’s values, that is a completely different story. You are then unconsciously stepping on your own core values.  

Recently I worked with a group doing a values exercise. After doing the values exercise, one of the participants realized she didn’t have health, safety, taking care of herself as values. 

And so, up until then, she was making choices to please others and couldn’t figure out why she was so angry all the time. With outbursts and feeling frustrated, operating as a victim.  

She didn’t understand that the very foundation of her life was unstable, because her metaphorical house wasn’t solid.

She got clear and chose to honor her values right then and there. Speaking up for herself, asking for what she needed, and sharing her feelings.   

The feedback she got shocked her. One of the people she shared with said he didn’t want her to compromise her values, he was simply unaware of her values and thought he was supporting her (through the lens of his own values).

Because that was the only lens he had. Until she made a conscious choice to get clear on what the foundation of her metaphorical house stands on. And second, she shared what this foundation was built with.

Brené Brown believes that leaders always carry a clarity of values and do more than profess their values, they practice them. As leaders, we need to be clear about what we believe and hold important, and we need to ensure that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with our values.

Read more about Choosing to be a Leader here!

Your Practice For This Week:

Go through and think about your life and what has been important to you. 

Reflect on choices you’ve made, think about your daily life.
What matters to you most? 

List as many values as you possibly can. Keep this list. 

Download my list of values as an inspiration!

Narrow it down to the Top 5 Core Values. 

Check-in every day for the next week - where are you making decisions in line with your values and where are you out of alignment?

Next, we will talk about Boundaries, in the meanwhile remember the present moment is where your best life happens!

With love, presence and gratitude,

Darla