Protect Your Values: Boundaries - Week #15 of The Awakening Journey
A while back we’ve talked about choices and choosing to be a leader/creator in our life. This is basically how you clear the ground for the spiritual house you are building. And last week, we talked about how our values are the foundation of our house and what makes it stand solidly so we can add to it.
The question that remains is what protects our spiritual house? If our values are what we hold most dear, what matters most, then what protects them?
The answer is Boundaries.
It seems like everyone is talking about boundaries in one way or another, I know. In this article, we are going to get clear on why they are critical to your awakening journey.
Boundaries Need Maintenance
To be clear, What are Boundaries? Boundaries are one of those things, just like containers and values that we need to look at and intentionally clean up or prune (like our spiritual garden) on an ongoing basis in order to keep it healthy. They need maintenance.
So if you are feeling like you’ve done this work a while ago, now might be just the time to revisit your boundaries!
Boundaries are the metaphorical fences that we build around our house. We must build fences before we go any further. Why do we put up fences? So people don’t come into our yard and try to trash our house.
We create boundaries because it protects our creative energy and the safe space (container for our house - which is its’ own container) for us to live and be in.
Boundaries protect our values. If we don’t have boundaries, our values get stomped on. Not just by others, but by ourselves as well!
It’s important to become aware of where people are stepping on/crossing boundaries because WE OURSELVES aren't holding them. People don’t cross our boundaries - we leave the gate wide open. We breach our own boundaries.
A Story about Boundaries
I was working with a group of 20 somethings and we started to work with the Townsend Boundaries book, which is wonderful. But for some reason, it wasn’t connecting to our group.
Instead of forcing it, I shared another book, a children’s book which beautifully illustrates the importance of Boundaries. The book is called “Too Nice Amy” and I have found that people of all ages love this book.
The story tells of a girl who through a series of trying to be nice by giving up her seat on the bus, offering to help clean up in the lunchroom & share her ball at recess, leaves her alone, without friends, and feeling bad (stepping on values).
Amy has an aha when she is working in grandpas garden tending the vegetables when her friend comes to reconcile with her. She gets distracted and leaves the gate open while going off with her friend.
When she comes back later, she encounters grandpa chasing the rabbit away and sees that the rabbit has eaten all of Amy’s favorite lettuce. Amy feels terrible and sad that she won’t have any more lettuce.
Grandpa isn’t mad, instead, he shows compassion shares with Amy that fences and keeping the gate closed is good for everyone including the rabbit. Because he doesn’t have to be stressed and scared away. Instead, he is happy to receive the leftover lettuce that they leave out for him outside the fence in a designated area.
We are like that, we get distracted and don’t focus on our boundaries. We let our values go unprotected & then when people come too far inside our garden, we feel frustrated and upset.
Amy is responsible for keeping the rabbit out of the garden. She owns that. (reference own impact). The rabbit doesn't. Getting upset with the rabbit doesn't even make sense, right?
And I want to add that some boundaries have gates on them and some are just fences that just don’t get crossed.
For Amy, lending the ball at recess left her without a ball to play with her friends. So her friends left her. She gave away her cookies at lunch and was left without anything for herself. As a result, she felt hungry, sad and alone.
These are simple examples of a young person learning how to or not to put up metaphorical fences.
Where do you, in your life, leave the gate open on your fence? Where do you not have a fence at all? I’ll give you a clue. Look at an area where you are not 100% fulfilled.
This Week’s Practice:
1. Start by drawing your spiritual house or download my free template here.
2. Ensure the foundation is deep enough to include your values.
3. Input your 5-10 core values in the foundation. For inspiration download my list of values here.
4. Draw a fence around your house.
5. Assign your boundaries to each fence post.
6. Draw a dotted line to what value this specific fence post protects.
Now, post this somewhere close where you can see it.
Boundaries protect your values. Notice when one of your values isn’t being honored. What fence post needs to be tightened up?
When you tighten it up, your values, and therefore, your foundation and YOU will be stronger, more solid, and stable on your awakening journey.
Next, we will talk about The Four Agreements, in the meanwhile remember people don’t cross our boundaries, we invite them in by leaving the gate open!
With love, presence and gratitude,
Darla