The Empowerment Dynamic: Stepping out of the Victim Triangle - Week #13 of The Awakening Journey

Remember in week 5 of our Awakening Journey, I mentioned being in drama vs. being a leader in the context of Choosing to be a Leader. In this blog post, we are taking a much much deeper dive into what it means to wake up to how you are creating your reality in each and every moment. Let me share a really important life-altering story with you.

My Empowerment Story 

Fifteen years ago, over the holiday break, I was visiting my in-laws with a newborn baby who was sick and screamed for much of the duration of our trip. As a result, I spent much of the time upstairs feeling trapped with this very unhappy newborn.  

With nowhere to go, I decided to try to read during her infrequent napping. I chose a book called The Power of TED and proceeded to finish it within hours. The impact of the book was almost as powerful as my awakening moment - but from a cognitive perspective. I felt like Neo in the Matrix taking the red pill and my life was never completely the same again.

The story is of David, a man who suffered multiple injuries during a very short time. His father died, he found out he was sterile, and as a result, his wife divorced him. David very much felt like there was absolutely nothing he could do about his situation. He was so unhappy and feeling helpless for so very long. He felt like he had been dealt a bad hand and there was simply nothing he could do about it. 

In the book, David meets a fictional character who teaches him how to operate in a new way, as a Leader in life. The character shows him how there are really only two perspectives to see the world from: as a Victim, or as a Creator (another word for Leader). The world is happening to me or it is happening with me. 

I was completely blown away by this idea that I could co-create with others and didn’t need to be in reaction to. I immediately shared this with my partner and we very much saw that our default was to be in this drama triangle together. We agreed that my default was that of a victim.  My partners’ way of being in the world (default) was as a persecutor. From then on, we agreed to hold each other accountable to being in the empowerment dynamic, acting as Creators together. Virtually overnight, the dynamic in my relationship shifted with him and with almost everyone else in my life.  

Things didn’t shift because the world shifted. No, after reading David’s story, things shifted because I could see where I was like David and this awareness opened something up for me.  Being able to see this visual of these two triangles illuminated something for me: the Line of Choice.   

At every moment, I have a choice. I can choose how I respond.

Content & Context 

The truth is - you are creating your reality. Yep. That’s right. You choose how you react to the world

An event happens, you react and that equals the outcome. Period.

Event + Reaction = Outcome

You get to choose how to React in every.single.moment. 

We can react by using the perspective of the Victim, in the sense of “this is happening TO ME”. Or we can react with the mindset of “this is happening FOR ME”. For my learning and evolution.  

But Aren’t Some People Victimized?

To clarify, this isn’t when someone has been victimized. This doesn’t mean that sometimes things happen where people actually are victims of crime. Crimes happen. And that is the part we cannot change. 

Instead, this work pivots our focus toward the part we can change. Our way of being with what does happen. Thereby bringing us closer to the reality we do want to create. 

Why Choose The Empowerment Dynamic?

Did you know that 90% of the world is operating in the drama triangle 95% of the time? Think of any challenge that faces humanity right now and ask yourself this: what triangle are they in, what role are the participants playing? Are they acting as victims-persecutors-rescuers or are they being creators-leaders-challenger-coach?

Source: https://powerofted.com/

This is a very simple and powerful concept and can be used in virtually any situation. 

Once, my young daughter came down from interacting with her girl's group and was complaining and very upset. We had finished reading the book just that week. I simply said, “What triangle are YOU choosing right now?” My daughter did an about-face and went back upstairs and when I saw her again, she was shifted. 

For many years after reading this book, in most interactions with others, business meetings, family dinners, I could visually see the triangles floating above me in space and I could feel when we would move from the empowerment dynamic and being a creator with life - a leader, to when we would choose to cross over into the drama triangle with gossip, stories and general drama. 

Being able to see it, allowed me to call it out and bring us back into our leadership with family, friends, and work. This has created peace, harmony, and success in every aspect of my life. 

When you have this model and language, you can simply stop a meeting and ask yourself: What role am I playing? And then “What role do I want to be playing? Suffering and struggle will stop. Conflicts will be resolved easily and everything will flow.  

Your Metaphorical House Built

Last week we talked about containers for relationships. This is simply consciously choosing what kind of containers. 

You choose to suffer, you choose to prosper. When we choose to be a leader we choose to be in the empowerment dynamic and we are in the present moment! We further our awakening. 

There is a choice in every moment. And every choice has an impact. Through each of these choices, we are choosing ourselves, and as a result, we can change the world.  

And once you and those around you have been exposed to this, just like Neo and Trinity in The Matrix, you cannot go back. 

"You take the blue pill...the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill...you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." Morpheus - The Matrix

Your Practice For This Week:

Share this work with someone close to you. 

Talk about which roles you each default to. 

Discuss what triangle you want to choose to be in. 

Create agreements for how you can hold one another accountable.  

Next, we will talk about Values, in the meanwhile remember the present moment is where your best life happens!

With love, presence and gratitude,

Darla

Further Resources: 

Watch David’s video “Escape the Dreaded Drama Triangle with The Empowerment Dynamic”