Owning your impact: Take responsibility for yourself - Week #9 of The Awakening Journey

We are always creating impact. Whether we are aware of it or not. 

What exactly IS Impact?

A while back I was in a leadership class and our front-of-the-room leader said “Your presence matters. If you don’t show up or show up late, there is an impact in the room. It matters when you are here and when you aren’t, it matters when you speak up and when you hold back”.  

Prior to this conversation, I sometimes would think “meh, it doesn't matter if I skip out on X, no one will notice anyway. 

I was blown away by this idea that in every experience what I do or don’t do matters. If this was true, then I spent a lot of my life in fantasy land and I wasn’t in integrity. I had to know more….

So I started paying attention to this idea of impact. Very covertly at first. I would play around with it a little bit and practice speaking out in meetings or interactions at family gatherings. 

What came out for me is no matter what, I am, and you are, having an impact. With your thoughts, your feelings, your vibe. And also by checking your phone, planning your grocery list, or zoning out -- in every situation there is an impact. 

The impact is your physical, emotional, and energetic imprint on a person, place, experience, or situation.

What does it mean to Own your Impact?

This is really simple: There is ALWAYS something for you to own. I would like to reference the work of Jocko Willink and his book “Extreme Ownership”- Leaders own their impact. Whose fault is it? Who owns it? The leader at the top does. And when she/he does, then everyone else does as well. This concept works in the military, in a business environment, and in corporate as Jocko also demonstrates. And I can personally attest that it works in relationships, families, and with kids to shape the system. 

How does it work 

Much of the world foists its impact off on others pretending the problem is ‘out there’ and not in here. The result: nothing gets resolved. We keep getting the same shit. The truth is that the problem is here, inside of me and inside of you. 

When you begin to own your impact, the people around you own theirs as well. This creates a strong container within yourself and in relationships with others. It allows for a higher level of integrity, encourages people to be aligned with their values, and live a healthy life, complete with a way to clean it up when they make a mess -- a necessary part of our growth and evolution.  

My daughter's 5th-grade teacher, Ms. Willis always used to say “It’s okay to make a mess, as long as you clean it up”. Owning your impact is a way to clean it up.

What will owning my impact give me? 

Greater responsibility for yourself and the world. 

AND that passes to others. 

Ease.

Peace. 

Clarity.  

It creates TRUST. 

Growth.

How do I do this?

Owning your impact is both simple and challenging. It can feel very awkward at first, hence the challenge. Let’s start with something simple, perhaps you blurted something, you can say “wow, that came out wrong and I can see I had an unintended impact on this meeting. Does anyone have anything they want to share about what I said/did?” Then I listen and say thank you. That’s it. DO NOT rush in to say “No, no no, you misunderstood, what I really meant was X.”

Owning your impact can even be used for past situations where you may need to own something. For example, a couple of weeks ago I felt very triggered by something my daughter did and I said some things that felt like my truth but were perceived as very hurtful. 

I could see this person is holding onto this and it was harming the trust in our relationship. We did a simple mirroring exercise so I could fully hear what she was feeling. 

A mirroring exercise is when you simply repeat exactly what the other person has said. This way you show you are hearing what the other person is stating. You just playback what the other person has said, without sounding like a parrot. The point is to have a mutual understanding of the problem. That shows a willingness to collaborate.

We were able to understand each other on a much deeper level and connect in a way that strengthened our bond.

Being a leader means owning your impact

You are the leader, you are the one who owns your impact. By bringing it up to others, you are taking responsibility for yourself and your world. Leaders own their impact. You clean it up. As a leader, opening up the conversation, you create safety and model for others what it looks like to be a truly authentic leader from the Front.

When you own your impact, other leaders around you own theirs. And if they don’t, you are better equipped to invite them to do so. Owning your impact will shift the whole system because you are a part of the system. 

Your practice this week:

In the last conflict you had, go back and own your impact. Open up a conversation and share where you think you might have had an unintended impact. Check in and see if that is right. Listen.  

Next, we will talk about Processing Your Emotional Baggage. In the meanwhile remember: the present moment is where your best life happens!

With love and gratitude,

Darla