Learn a New Language at Your Holiday Dinner
For about thirty years, I communicated with the people in my life in one language to the detriment of my health - and no, it was not English that caused me to feel exhausted and sick the day after the holidays were over. It was my own love language that I was using to work myself to death trying to give in a way that I actually was designed to receive! And the end result, no one cared because it was MY language, they couldn’t even understand what I was “saying”.
Since then, I have learned how to speak multiple languages and use that to maximize my impact on my family system during the holidays to create unlimited energy for myself where before I was depleted.
What are Love Languages
First, don’t let the word “love” throw you off. This could easily be called Universal Humans Being Language. Because you can access, communicate and motivate all people through utilizing this language.
And second, while this is based on Chapman’s work, I really want to encourage you to adapt this to your liking. Make it fit for you.
The 5 Love Languages according to Dr. Gary Chapman
Words of Affirmation
Words of Affirmation are one of the five love languages developed by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is based on the idea that humans need love, appreciation, and recognition from others in order to feel valued and supported. Words of Affirmation focus on verbal communication, as it involves speaking words that show love.
Acts of Service
It involves performing actions that show love for another person. Acts of Service involve performing compassionate, considerate and thoughtful activities for the intended recipient. The love language of Acts of Service focuses on doing things that show love, such as cooking a meal, taking out the trash, or folding laundry to help out a family member.
Quality Time
Quality Time focuses on giving someone your undivided attention and actively engaging with them. It is about being completely present and focused on the person, doing things together that both parties enjoy. Quality time is a crucial way to show love and strengthen relationships.
Gifts
Gifts are a love language that focuses on giving tangible items to the intended recipient. It is an expression of love and appreciation given in the form of something material, such as jewelry, flowers, or clothing. The love language of Gifts involves taking time to choose something appropriate for the special person in your life.
Physical Touch
Physical Touch is the love language that focuses on physical closeness and intimate contact with someone. This love language involves close and loving physical touch, such as cuddling, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and caressing. Physical Touch communicates love, warmth, security, and comfort.
You can find more information on The 5 Love Languages here.
The Importance of Love Language
Knowing someone’s love language and using it can be the building blocks of a relationship. When you actively use others' love languages to communicate, it creates deep levels of connection. Being seen. Being understood and being appreciated.
Something gets missed when we don’t focus on others’ language. They don’t feel seen, heard, appreciated, or loved.
When we insist on speaking only our own language, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves or our world. This results in disconnection with your partner, and your employees
The fact is, people feel seen, motivated and yes - loved in multiple ways. And it is YOUR job to find out which way that is for the people in your life.
What’s that? It sounds like a lot of work.
So does divorce, turnover at the office, delinquent kids, or fractures in your family -- especially at your holiday dinner!
Universal Love Languages at Work
Recently, I heard someone speak about his way to motivate people in the organization. He focuses on recognizing employees mainly through pay increases.
While money matters and is very important, I am often surprised how many folks are unclear on how or the importance of maximizing love languages in relationships. Not just in personal relationships but also using them to connect & motivate people at work, in life or during the holidays with family.
How to Strategically Use Universal Languages
Focus on putting your awareness on your own and others’ love languages.
Talk about them and share them with others.
Notice what happens when you use them.
What you will get practicing Love Languages
It’s such an easy way to strengthen the container of your relationship! Any relationship can be strengthened when you simply bring awareness.
And when you start using them, talking about them & bringing awareness, you will start receiving love in your own language!
Practical Ways How to use Love Languages
Write a love note and leave it for the other person to find
Compliment them, even for the little things they do each day
Thank them for something they have done for you recently
Offer to help with household tasks that your partner usually does
Volunteer to do something special for them, like running an errand or cook dinner
Dedicate time specifically to be together and spend uninterrupted (no tech!) time doing activities that you both enjoy
Make time to talk on the phone or Facetime/Zoom if you’re not able to physically be around one another
Get creative with gift-giving and think outside the traditional box
Surprise them with a thoughtful gift that is meaningful to them specifically
Hold hands while walking together or sitting close on the couch during movie night
Challenge
At your holiday dinner, bring up love languages and share a little about each language.
Go around the table and ask each family member what they think theirs might be.
If they are unsure, ask them to remember a time when they were most loved, seen, appreciated, or heard. What was happening and who was around? See if you can help them figure out their love language or at least guess for now.
Ask them to share how people in your family might share their love with them going forward.
Challenge your family to play with this going forward at holiday functions and in everyday life.