How Are You Like The Mafia?
For a part of my life, I operated unconsciously running a racket that defined me, and my decisions and created much of the chaos around me. This week, you are going to get clarity about what your racket is, how you are your own mafia, and how to resolve this and reintegrate so you can stop holding yourself emotionally hostage. You will turn your mafia into your own personal cheerleading squad that will empower you to deliver on your dreams and what you truly want.
What is Your Racket?
Mafia "protection rackets" are extortion schemes. For example, mobsters demand that a shop owner pay $100 a week, to "protect" the business from criminals. The twist is that the Mafia members themselves are the criminals who threaten the business.
In the same way, we humans run rackets on ourselves. We have a racket that we make up to protect us, and then we believe the racket to be true and make decisions that ultimately sabotage us.
Where Does Your Racket Come From?
Your racket is created by your Source Fracture. A source fracture is an inner wounding that happened during childhood and caused a “fracture” to happen within our inherent innate childhood “perfection and oneness”.
This wounding fractures you and creates an ego, an altered identity if you will, that seeks to protect and keep you safe.
The source fracture, “I am not enough” is the primary identity of the ego and the rackets run on top of it.
A source fracture can be created from any minor or major traumatic event like a childhood need going unmet and the child not understanding how to interpret the event.
Because the child doesn’t understand that what happened out there doesn’t have anything to do with them, they internalize it and make it mean something about them. For example, they may interpret this unmet need as “I am not good enough” [to have this need met].
After a time, this child grows into an adult and begins to hold him/herself emotionally hostage because you believe this story, this racket of I am not Good Enough to be the ultimate truth but it is underneath and so subtle that you are not even aware of it.
And so, you limit and sabotage yourself at every turn. You may think, “oh, I am not qualified enough for that position” so you don’t apply. Translation: I am not a good enough employee.
Or, you forget to call your parents or invite them to an event and you think “I messed that up, I’m terrible.” Translation: I am not a good enough son/daughter.
You might get into relationships and feel like no matter what you do, you just can’t please your partner. I can’t please him/her is another way of saying “nothing I ever do is good enough. Underneath this projection outward onto him/her, guess what? … drum roll…. You are not good enough.
This racket keeps you from so many opportunities in life. Opportunities with connection, abundance, prosperity, authentic relationships, and truly, peace and joy within yourself.
Back to My Racket
The main racket I ran was, “I am not good enough”. When I became aware of this racket and its origin, which was a source fracture from childhood, I was shocked at how often this racket, my internal tyrant, made my decisions and how it created exactly what I didn’t want.
Many of the choices I made were based on the idea that I am not good enough. I am not a good enough mother, I am never going to be a good enough wife, I am not a good enough businesswoman, and the list goes on and on. This often led to a less than peaceful life, experiences, and interactions because I was actually creating what I didn’t want.
It also led to overdoing, overcontrolling, over-executing, over-achieving, and trying to over-succeed if there is such a thing. All of that was to prove I was good enough. I was creating my own chaos.
I was trying to prove to myself to my own inner mafia that I was good enough. And that was holding me emotionally hostage and keeping me from truly creating what I wanted!
Does any of this sound familiar?
Reintegrating Your Source Fracture
Until you begin to reintegrate your source fracture, your racket runs wreak havoc on your life. Eventually, your racket begins to derail your life and dreams, and you suffer in silence wondering why you aren’t happier, OR you have a realization and do something about it.
It took me some time to have awareness and even longer to begin to move beyond this and operate outside of my emotional mafia. I created a lot of hardship for myself in the meantime and that’s why I want to share with you these simple (not easy) steps for how to resolve this and begin to move beyond it.
How Do You Resolve It?
#1 Awareness. Understanding this at a deeper level and what YOUR racket is.
#2 Catch yourself doing it.
#3 Heal your source fracture. (This can be done in many different ways from journaling to hiring a coach to meditation.)
#4 Choose a new empowered statement and practice it every chance you get.
#5 Have someone hold you accountable.
Your Challenge:
Find a quiet place and reflect on what your racket is. (If you come up blank ask someone in your family!)
List the ways your racket holds you emotionally hostage.
Talk about this with your partner, a friend, or an accountability partner.
Ask them to point it out (with compassion) when they see your racket might be arising.
Bring awareness to this and self-compassion. Just notice and don’t judge.
Remember: You Are Holding Yourself Down
In the photo below, the mobster is holding the man down. The reality is, when you allow your rackets to run, you are the one holding yourself down, holding yourself back and pretending that you are keeping yourself safe.
The truth is that you are protecting yourself from an illusion and keeping yourself from your most powerful life.
Let go of your racket and live an integrated, whole, authentic life!
