From Self-Criticism to Self-Love: Don't Forget to High-Five Yourself

We are almost two months into the new year, the perfect time to stop and acknowledge and make space to celebrate. I remember reading many years ago in a parenting book that when children have traditions in their family, (even if they have bad stuff & trauma as we all do) if they have traditions, (like baking or cooking at the holidays), really celebrations, their brains wire to remember their childhood in a positive light. 

This made me very curious, not only with my own children but also with the people I work with. So often working with my clients, the tool that is least utilized is the acknowledgment of self. Clients show up and the first thing they say “I didn’t do what I said I would do last time we met”. As I listen, they share what has transpired since our last meeting and I intentionally slow this process down. I deeply pay attention to what they are saying and what they are not saying. 9 times out of 10, they MORE THAN did their “homework”, yet for a myriad of reasons, they overlook it or underplay it. What is even more interesting is that they have integrated the learning from our last session into their experience but were unaware and were critical of themselves because of the lack of awareness. 

We all do this!

This post is about getting clear about acknowledgments and the subsequent celebrations and how to leverage them.

Once my clients begin to acknowledge themselves in our work together, they begin to do it outside of our work. What results is nothing short of miraculous - more acknowledgment brings more success. And they focus on acknowledging others - their colleagues, significant others, their kids and this results in - guess what? More success, closer relationships, and their kids and partners acting in ways that are worthy of acknowledgment. 

How can you acknowledge yourself?

There are many ways to acknowledge - I highly recommend you begin to catch yourself in the moment doing what you committed to doing. For example, if your intention this year was to get fit, you would catch yourself doing even the most mundane things and pause and acknowledge yourself by saying “oh wow, I just ate a ____ or I didn’t eat a _____, that was on my intention this year. Great for me!

You may also share this out loud with someone.

Highly recommend you capture it by writing it down somewhere. 

What do you acknowledge?

Please don’t just acknowledge you doing things. Make space for your Being things.  

Recall that doing comes from being so you will focus on the being and that will cue you in where you are even more on point with the Doing items. 

For example, I was Be-ing present with my kiddo/co-worker yesterday when they came to me with a problem. I listened and I pointed him back to his own inner resources rather than solving his problem. As the result, he is more resilient and capable. So, doing did come from it, but it came from a deeper place - from Being. 

Perhaps you brainstormed together afterward and it was creative and you came up with an even greater solution. That is the “Doing” that you can acknowledge.
(This also points you away from having done the perfect thing because that is impossible.)

When is the best time to acknowledge?

Every day!! And - We are almost 2 months into the year, the perfect time to sit down and give yourself acknowledgements. It’s important to build this as a habit and integrate it into your life. 

Now, where does celebration fit in?  

I like to think of Celebration as a marker. Like a “landing” in your staircase of life or a chapter marker in my book of life. It reminds me and the people I work with to have fun and this is what the work is about. Daily acknowledgements are the stairs - celebrations are the landings in a sense.

And studies have shown, that just like traditions (like baking cookies) celebrations re-wire our brains to align to what we celebrate, not what we haven’t done.

Celebration is incredibly critical and powerful.  

Once you begin this practice, you are going to see that acknowledging yourself is going to shift how you feel about yourself, how you interact with others and how you relate to the world. And I promise, this is going to show up in the abundance you see in the world.

Your Challenge

Start a notebook of acknowledgments and keep track of how you celebrated milestones.

On the left page: Things to Acknowledge, on the opposite page: Celebrating this by: …