Unlock The Secrets of Thriving Relationships

We haven’t talked much about how relationships are the foundation of our evolution, so this week we are going to dive deeper into this. Not only will you understand this as a concept, but you are also going to come out of this with a clear understanding of how you can strengthen your relationship foundation and as a by-product, your own evolution.

My A-ha Moment in Maui

On my visit to Maui, checking in at the hotel, I was dumbstruck by the majesty of the trees on the property. Not only were they treated with reverence, but it also was clear that the hotel was built around these trees. And the trees themselves, they grew back into themselves! I don’t know how else to describe this so I’m attaching a photo so you can see. 

Relationships are like trees

They very much reminded me of relationships with our significant others. Like the branches of trees, we expand and grow. Sometimes this ends in growing apart. These trees inspired me to see that we can grow together and still maintain autonomy, health, vitality and wonder after decades and even hundreds of years. 

Those trees, and nature in general, really demonstrate to us what our natural and inherent way of being is—slowing down, being still, being present, AND looking within

And I know about this, because I often and for a very long time looked without. That means when something was off in a relationship, I did one of two things. I blamed myself and took all the responsibility or I blamed the other person or outside circumstances. 

So How Do We Stop Doing This?

It’s like a paradox. You stop looking and then you can see. The fact that you are bothered by something your partner did is to be celebrated! It means you’ve gotten a signpost. A signpost that something deeper wants to happen. 

Practical Ways to Accomplish This:

1. Create a Personal Internal Commitment.

Like the trees on Maui that do not make up a story about life, you must acknowledge in a very deep way that this experience you are having in life is yours and it is happening for you. Avoid pointing to the relationship as the issue. And really create a personal internal commitment to align and conspire with the world that you will accept this growth challenge. 

2. Create a plan or a program for your own evolution. 

That plan includes a commitment to turn your attention back on yourself and take the steps to do that work. That plan might include daily or moment-by-moment reminders that any time anything happens outside of you (in a relationship) that feels uncomfortable, bad, or not ideal, to stop and remind yourself that it is happening for you. That situation could be something as simple as your partner criticizing you, or your significant other saying they are leaving. Go back to your plan. Look within.

3. Become clear on your goal. 

What is your deeper learning, in other words, how will you grow and change from this?

4. Be brave and go deeper. 

Keep asking yourself “what is underneath what is at the surface here?”

I recently talked with someone with whom I asked this question many times when he pointed to the easy answers, the symptoms of his challenges. It wasn’t until he had a dramatic shift in his relationship that he was able to understand what this meant. His pain (over his relationship ending) allowed him to see what was buried deep, like the roots of those trees on Maui - except these were old hurts that wanted to be mined and resolved and turned into gold. 

But you don’t have to wait for your relationship to end to see the gifts and get the gold. You can create a plan right now and commit to these steps to be like the interwoven trees above.

Your Challenge

Today, commit to a simple plan to utilize one of your relationships to evolve on your spiritual journey. 

For example, write down every time something your significant other says or does something that bothers you. Then sit and reflect on the list and how that event is a signpost for your for something deeper.