How To Figure Out What You Actually Want

Have you ever taken a moment to reflect and ask yourself, how to figure out what you actually want? Not the surface-level things like a bigger paycheck, a new title, or your dream home, but what’s underneath those desires? I’ve wrestled with this question many times. At one point, I believed I wanted to write a book. It seemed like the logical next step in my journey as a coach. But when I sat with the idea, peeling back the layers, I realized it wasn’t about the book itself. What I truly craved was the opportunity to reach more people with my coaching. The book was just a vehicle—one of many paths to the same destination.

You can have anything, but…

Michael Neill said it best: “You can have anything you want if you actually want it.” And while this is true, the challenge often is discovering what it really is. This clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder or doing more. It comes from stillness. When I’ve allowed myself to sit quietly—whether through meditation, journaling, or even a long walk—I’ve found that the answers I’m seeking are often waiting for me beneath the noise of my thoughts. 

Clarity begins to emerge when we stop chasing and start listening.

Desires & Curiosity

The process of uncovering what you truly want also requires curiosity. When a desire surfaces, ask yourself, Why do I want this? If the answer is “freedom,” “peace,” or “security,” keep digging. Why does that matter to you? What would it feel like to have it? Each question brings you closer to the truth. But here’s the key: don’t get too attached to any single thought or idea. I’ve found that the more I try to force an outcome, the more I close myself off to unexpected possibilities. 

True desires come from a higher frequency—a place of sufficiency, alignment, and abundance, not scarcity or fear.

Opening up to Different Paths

As for my book ambitions? Once I understood that my true desire was to create even more impact, I stopped feeling pressured to chase the idea of writing just for the sake of it. Instead, I’ve found fulfillment in the many other ways I get to connect with you and make a difference—speaking engagements, group coaching sessions, workshops, and even podcasts. The book may still happen one day, but only when it feels fully aligned with what I truly want. And for now, that’s enough.

So, what do you truly want? Sit with the question. Let it unfold slowly. The answer, when it comes, will feel like coming home.

If you enjoyed this blog post, you might want to check out this one: Liberating Your Dreams from the Grip of Illusion