Liberating Your Dreams from the Grip of Illusion
Ever wondered why so many of us stick to doing things that just don’t light us up, while our deepest dreams remain on the back burner? It’s a puzzle that often boils down to one thing: fear. It has this sneaky way of holding us back from digging deep into our hearts to find what truly sets us on fire. We hesitate, avoiding the uncomfortable truths about our current paths and the hurdles standing between us and the lives we crave. Read on to find out how to pursue the life you've always dreamed of.
Between Dreams & Responsibilities
Have you ever found yourself standing on the edge of your dream life, hesitating to leap? That's where I found myself, grappling with the tug-of-war between my deepest desires and the weight of responsibility.
I’ve always dreamed of selling my home and living somewhere else - off the mainland, Hawaii, or even Mexico, somewhere close to the ocean. What was holding me back was that I needed to keep a house for my daughters so they have a home. But what’s lying below the surface, is something deeper. It’s a projection of my fear as a child onto my daughters. Let me explain…
My parents filed for bankruptcy when I was a child and we were one step away from being homeless. This whole experience was traumatic for me and I still carry it with me in the decisions I make today.
I tell myself that I don’t want to create that same experience for my daughters. The truth is, my daughters are far from facing the hardships I once faced. They are surrounded by love and security, yet I occasionally struggled to shake off the illusion of impending disaster.
That kind of false belief is what makes it so difficult and confusing to take the next steps. I’m sure you can relate to that. It has prevented me from creating this new life. And worse, it has prevented me from seeing other options.
For example, I could keep my house and then housesit for other people abroad. Those other options were obscured from my vision because I didn’t dig underneath. I didn’t remove the excuses. My fear was stopping me from seeing and admitting it.
Rewiring Our Perception of Safety
What I’ve experienced for myself and with my coaching clients is that most of us desire something off the beaten path. It’s something that a pioneer would do. A trailblazer. Outside the culture scape. It often is that our desire hasn’t been done before or it’s unusual but our hearts are calling for it.
The obstacle: our brains are naturally hardwired toward the familiar, seeking out what we know to be safe and secure. It's a survival instinct deeply ingrained within us, a mechanism designed to protect us and those we love from potential harm. However, this innate drive for safety often keeps us tethered to the known, preventing us from venturing into the unfamiliar where our true desires lie.
To break free from this cycle, we must embark on a journey of rewiring our perception of safety. We need to challenge the notion that safety is solely found within the confines of what we already know.
This process involves making the familiar unfamiliar – shaking off the shackles of the past, societal standards, or routines. And at the same time work on making the unfamiliar familiar – gradually acclimating ourselves to the idea of embracing change and uncertainty.
In doing so, we unlock the door to our true desires, to what truly lights our soul on fire. It's a process of self-discovery and growth, one that requires courage, patience, and a willingness to dig deep. But in the end, the rewards far outweigh the risks, as we step into a life defined by authenticity, passion, and fulfillment.
The Only Way Out is Through
So how do we remove the fear? The answer is straight up, the only way out is through!
Here are two exercises that can help:
Ask yourself: If I didn’t do xyz then what happens?
For example: If I spend more time away, what will happen to my daughters? They will spend more time becoming more independent. (Realizing this was a big a-ha for me.)Imagine you are starting over fresh. Your life is a clean slate or canvas, without any obligations or responsibilities.
What do you feel called to do? What do you love?
Keep asking these questions and you will uncover your false narrative and what your heart is calling you to do - without fear.
“Make the familiar unfamiliar. Make the unfamiliar familiar.” - Marisa Peer
Once we do that, we can dial into what we truly desire.