Overcoming Perfectionism through Being
Perfectionism can be a sneaky beast. Even if you've been practicing BEING or mindfulness for a while, it creeps in when you least expect it. Maybe it shows up as that little voice telling you your practice isn’t good enough, or the pressure to be "present" (aka Perfect in your practice) in every moment. I’ve been there too. But what if I told you that the key to overcoming this subtle perfectionism isn’t about striving harder? It’s about letting go of the need for perfection and embracing the freedom and self-compassion that come from allowing yourself to be. In this blog post, I’ll explore how deepening your BEING can help you release the weight of perfectionism and step into a more fulfilling, conscious way of living.
Perfectionism – A Barrier to Fully BEING
For many of you in this community, BEING is a familiar concept. We understand that true peace lies in being fully present in the moment, without attachment to outcomes or judgments. Yet, perfectionism often creeps in unnoticed. It might look like overanalyzing meditation or other BEING practices, judging how well we are doing, or constantly measuring our progress against others. Even those of us who have practiced BEING for years can still fall into the trap of perfectionism, unknowingly turning our practice into another area of striving.
In essence, perfectionism is the opposite of BEING. It keeps us trapped in the cycle of doing and achieving, leaving little room for acceptance and peace. To overcome perfectionism, we must shift from a mindset of constant striving to one of allowing—allowing ourselves to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to embrace the flow of life as it unfolds.
The Difference Between Striving and Being
Striving is rooted in the future—always thinking ahead, trying to reach some goal, some ideal version of ourselves. BEING, on the other hand, is rooted in the present moment, fully experiencing life as it is, without needing to change or perfect anything.
Striving creates resistance. It keeps us focused on what isn’t yet, on what we haven’t accomplished, and on what we think we need to feel good about ourselves. BEING is the opposite. It invites us to soften, to relax into the moment, and to accept life exactly as it is.
When we strive for perfection, we create tension. But when we allow ourselves to BE, we unlock a sense of ease and freedom. In BEING, we can embrace imperfection, recognizing it as part of the human experience, not something to be fixed or avoided.
The Paradox: How Trying to Control Hinders Freedom
Perfectionism often stems from a deep desire for control. We want things to go perfectly, to appear perfect, or to be perfect ourselves. But the more we try to control, the more we restrict our freedom. This paradox is one that I’ve encountered personally. I remember a time when I was struggling with a big project. I was so focused on making everything flawless, so attached to every detail, that I couldn’t move forward. The harder I tried to perfect each piece, the more stuck I became.
It wasn’t until I let go of the need for control—until I embraced BEING in the moment, with all its imperfections—that I felt a shift. I stopped trying to force everything into place and allowed things to unfold as they would. And, ironically, it was in that moment of release that I found the freedom to move forward more creatively and with greater ease.
When we surrender to BEING, we create space for life to flow naturally, without the tension of constant control. It’s in that space that true freedom emerges.
Transcending the Need for External Validation
A significant driver of perfectionism is the need for external validation. We look to others for approval, affirmation, or recognition, believing that we aren’t enough unless someone else says we are. This can be especially true in our work, our roles as leaders and even as parents or partners. This is insidious and all pervasive in our current culture - invisible and everywhere.
Mindfulness and BEING can help release this need for external validation. When we practice being present with ourselves, when we cultivate inner peace and self-acceptance, we no longer rely on others to tell us our worth. We can find validation from within.
Self-acceptance is the antidote to perfectionism. When we deeply know that we are enough as we are, without needing to prove it to anyone, we can release the constant drive for perfection and step into a space of authenticity and peace.
Reframing Mistakes and Imperfection as Opportunities
In practicing being, we learn to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment. This is a powerful tool for dealing with perfectionistic tendencies. When we make a mistake, being teaches us to view it not as a failure but as an opportunity for growth and learning.
For example, when your mind wanders during meditation, instead of getting frustrated or thinking you’ve failed, you can gently bring your focus back to your breath. This is also a perfect metaphor for life: when we make a mistake or experience imperfection, we can simply notice it, let go of judgment, and return to the present moment.
Practice for Dissolving Perfectionism
Several practices can help dissolve perfectionism and deepen the experience of BEING. Here are a couple to try:
Body Scan with Non-Judgmental Awareness: This practice helps you become aware of tension and discomfort in your body without judgment. Simply notice how your body feels in each moment and allow it to be exactly as it is.
Loving-Kindness Meditation: This practice can soften the harsh inner critic. By sending love and compassion to yourself, you counteract the perfectionistic tendencies that keep you striving for something outside of yourself.
Final Thoughts
As we approach the holiday season, the pressure to be perfect often grows. You may find yourself trying to find the perfect gifts, plan a flawless holiday party, or create the ideal Christmas day for your family. The desire to make everything perfect can take us out of the present moment, out of enjoying this time, leaving us stressed and disconnected from the true spirit of the season.
It’s time to remember that the magic of the holidays isn’t in perfection but in the moments of connection, laughter, and presence. By embracing BEING—imperfections and all—we can truly enjoy the season for what it is: a time to be together, to appreciate what we have, and to find joy in the imperfectly beautiful moments that make this time of year so special.